Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Flasher - Coming Soon to a DMV Near You

OMG! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

I just got my new license. My hair looks great and my fat-face problem isn't as apparent as it usually is. BUT I LOOK NAKED. Yes, NEVER wear a strapless top to your driver's license picture appointment. CRAP!

Here is how the conversation went at the DMV:
Me: Can you back the camera up as far as possible, I usually get fat face in my pictures.
Dude Behind the Counter: Really? Okay.
Chic Sitting next to Dude: Oh yeah (knowing glance at me), I know, I usually have that same problem.
Me: Yeah, the guy that took it last time actually took a second one because he agreed that my face looked fat in the first one!
Dude: Okay, it looks great! (Hindsight - he was really enthusiastic here.) You should receive it in about a week.
Me: (Feeling confident chic next to guy understands my problem, does not look at picture.) Thanks!

Shall we read between the lines?
Me: Blah, blah, blah, fat face.
Dude: Your face looking fat will be the least of your problems.
Chic: No kidding, you are gonna look like an escapee from a nudist camp.
Me: Whew, glad I did my hair today!
Dude: When will these girls learn? I mean really, she got her first license in what...1991?? Can't wait until she gets pulled over with this thing.
Me: Wow, everyone at this DMV is so great.

And really, now that I think about it, this guy was lame anyway. True, he got me in and out of the DMV in under 10 minutes (I was amazed) but he made me take my sunglasses off the top of my head for the picture. Really, because that is what is going to make identification difficult? If I am out somewhere and I am carded by a bouncer/police officer/bartender are they NOT going to accept my id because in my picture I have sunglasses on the top of my head and in real life I don't? (I mean, let's be honest, in real life I usually do too.) Shouldn't they be more concerned with the fact that I listed my weight as 120? Ha. Guess I pulled one over on them.

And before I get an "I told you so" comment from Sarah, when I went to her house afterwards for happy hour the conversation did go like this.

Sarah: Your hair looks great.
Me: Thanks, I did it today since I had to get my picture retaken for my driver's license.
Sarah: Oh no, you didn't wear that did you?
Me: (Looking down at cute, green strapless shirt) Yeah, why?
Sarah: You're gonna look naked!

Of course, re-reading this post, maybe the real problem is that I do my hair so infrequently. Hee hee!

16 comments:

Sarah said...

HAHAHA! I couldn't wait to get to the bottom so I could comment that I told you so. At least your UPS driver will recognize you in your pic!

The Press Family said...

LMAO!!!
You HAVE to post a pic of your license when it comes in!
At least your hair will look good!

Unknown said...

I was also going to demand a picture and then I saw the twitter link. It's fabulous!

Sarah said...

And you're totally going to win the @DunkinDonuts contest. You have got to get back to work - you're getting pathetic. (or you could have another baby, but I'll miss Taki.)

BTMS said...

and such a happy nudist! Its a wonder DMV didn't ask that u re-take the photo - but you are from Berkeley....

The Press Family said...

OMG!!!!!
You DO look freakin' naked!!!!!
Sorry...that is hilarious!!
But your face and hair look AMAZING!

Sara said...

hilarious!!!

I can (somewhat) sympathize... my current DMV pic is when I was 9 months pregnant with Joey. Not a good time for face fat.

The Roberts Family said...

Ha! Sooo funny!
(My license says 125!) ha!

the Serrano Chili Pepper said...

I quit!!

D'Angelo Family said...

keep this ID forever!!

Anonymous said...

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for this blog...it is sometimes the highlight of my day! Too funny ;)

Bill and Cindy said...

You should have stuck with the fat face.
Signed,
The Happy Idiot

Woods Family said...

Ok I am laughing so hard right now! You are HYSTERICAL and I LOVE that you wrote conversation AND posted the picture! You do look fabulous! I have to go tomorrow - that's fun - being 5 months pregnant! I ALREADY HAVE issues like you with the fat face issue! P says to me not too worry - he says next summer when I am skinny again (please God be skinny again next summer) I can pay the $12 and get another one!!! Oh I SO relate!!

Nick, Jocelyn and Kevin said...

Please, please, PLEASE show your ID to the UPS driver and say "See? You're not the only one who gets a look at this hot bod!"

Alina said...

You are seriously too funny. We are cracking up. Your pic (face/hair) look great though! We especially love the tan lines - ha!

Jen said...

You never cease to crack me up! How are you ever going to top that picture? Ha! No pun intended.