So, I'll admit, I usually think of myself as a fairly decent writer, adept at witty banter. Several individuals have told me that my blog entries inspire chuckles and, on a few occasions, guffaws - in fact, one fan even stopped me in the bathroom at CPK to comment on how she enjoys my humor and dripping sarcasm (this is a true story).
However, a recent email dialogue with a friend has caused me to question my cleverness - is cleverness even a word? His writing skills dwarf mine and I feel the need to share a part of our conversation so others can enjoy it as well. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent (okay, okay, I only changed the surname, the pets' names were too priceless and I didn't feel like I had the right to strip the kids from their starring role in this drama.
Shaun's email title to me: Here's something to look forward to...
…Midnight Felton (my 9 year-old’s pet hamster) dropped dead yesterday afternoon…and now I have some very distraught children on my hands...
You’ll love this though…before yesterday, we had two and the kids had a homemade sign on the door of the room where hamsters reside. It said: “Hamster Hide Out: Home of Midnight and Skipper”.
Within 30 minutes of finding out about his hamster, a very sad Jack (the grieving owner) updated the sign to read: “Hamster Hide Out: Home of Skipper The Only Living Hamster In This House”…
my response (not nearly as clever - I know)
So as the parent, what do you do in this case? Make poor Jack learn about heartache and grieve or try and replace Midnight with another hamster?
We’ve been down this road one time before, when Bullseye Felton (my daughter Abigail’s first hamster) entered Eternal Life. That one shook the entire family. My wife was even sad. I, too, was upset but more because apparently, earlier that Spring, I had unknowingly financed a rather extensive surgical procedure for Bullseye. And now the $20 hamster was now dead a mere four months later (editorial note: To this day, I still don’t know exactly how much I paid for that operation. I could never get a straight answer from anyone. The story has become the source of several bouts of laughter among friends and, in the interest of maintaining my marital status, I’ve stopped inquiring about anything related to the incident). Anyway, when that hamster died, we bought a new one (Skipper) an hour after the funeral.
This time, I don’t know how we’re going to handle it. Midnight’s passing leaves a void in young Jack’s life. Unfortunately, this time we wouldn’t get away with just buying Midnight II. Connor has been lobbying hard for a hamster of his own now that he’s reached the legal-hamster age of 7. He will not allow a second hamster for Jack without getting one of his own. I, however, am suggesting pets that live for more than a year and a half. Mind you, I’m not dwelling on the alleged hundreds of dollars that may or may not have been flushed away on the medical care of my little cherub’s first rodent. No, I’m not here to talk about the past. It’s just a little maddening to have to go through this process with broken-hearted children every 6-9 months.
The kids have been pushing hard for a dog but that’s a whole different kettle of fish. Surprisingly, we also have a past dog experience that’s left my wife a bit shell-shocked on that front. Mary thinks she’ll be able to stay strong against the onslaught…I’m not so sure…
And thus ends this chapter of my friend Shaun Felton's life. I hope this makes you laugh as much as my coworkers and I did. Who knows, maybe I will have Shaun guestblog when I am not feeling creative.
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